she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
