Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
