that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
