he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
