ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
