areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the room spins SO much faster in panama
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
