Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
