Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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