life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
