I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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