I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
