Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
