look no pants
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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