Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
