i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
