I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
