Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
