I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
