I want to make a zoo with you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
