His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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