everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
