I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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