If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
