Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize