I need help removing her.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
