i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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