yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
