I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
