No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
