and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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