A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
