Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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