Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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