how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
