turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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