I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
