How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
