i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
