my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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