Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
