I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
