can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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