i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cut my penus on the lid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize