Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
