Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
