How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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