You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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