She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
