turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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