Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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