uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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