I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
