i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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