so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she told me i tasted like america
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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