So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
