if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
cat food counts as protein by the way
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
