Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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