I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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