I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
