hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
