eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
