I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The Olympian is in my bed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize