I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
