I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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