You can't special order awesome
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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