I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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