when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
