dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
