My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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