He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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