Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
