The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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