1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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