She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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