Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
