At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
