I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
