My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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