all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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